God is working...

Today’s lecture was the last one for our Holy Spirit week. I went from complexly disagreeing and being mad and upset and closed minded, to being a completely different woman of God. It is incredible; God is so good and faithful. He has complexly given me PEACE about the Holy Spirit; peace about how different people experience the Holy Spirit in different ways; a conscious mind to not rely on man’s word alone, and believe what I hear for truth, but to really seek the Bible, seek the Lord, and seek council of people that I highly trust. It is so amazing that the peace God has given me recently, just telling me “Emily, be still and know that I am God”. I don’t have to experience the Holy Spirit in the same way that every one does. I don’t have to speak in my own language, be on the floor, raise my hand, be in the front row, or anything. I can sit outside, be OK with what is going on inside, and experience JUST AS MUCH of the Holy Spirit that the people inside on their faces crying do, and it is so cool. That is the beauty of God, he wants us to come to Him in our own way, and spend time with Him, and build our relationship with Him, gosh God is so good. He loves us more than we can comprehend. You cannot limit God in a box, you can’t, He is So powerful and so mighty and is capable of anything. I need to speak truth on people, telling them, YES you can have the same experiences of God that I do, YES you can grow and WILL grow in the Lord, not I hope you do. I have such a heart to see people encouraged and growing in the Lord, and it is awesome. Today’s lecture, we really heard our speakers heart, and it touched my spirit and heart in a way that in indescribable. She is so faithful to the Lord and is so confident in herself. She KNOWS God thinks she is so beautiful, and she KNOWS God loves her with everything. I am so excited I have a testimony and a past and experiences the Lord has put me through that I can pray for people now, be an encouragement, and show the love of God that he has abundantly put inside of me to others. Wow, God is so good, and I am so ecstatic to see what He has in store for me, for each and every day that I am here, and after this program as well. God is good, all the time.

May 26, 2010

Yesterday was a day I would describe as “indescribable”. We always doubt God so much, and he never fails to prove us wrong, ever. Being here at DTS has completely been wrecking my life, and each and every day is a new day that brings new challenges, new teachings, new beginnings, and new life. God is such a God of love, and this is my story:

I have grown up in a Christian home my entire life, and attended a private Christian school through graduation, living the “Christian” life. I wasn’t living it because I wanted to live it though, I did it because it was my life and was expected of me in a way. I have always loved the Lord, but never in the way that I do now, true love. I am so glad that God told me to stop attending Boise State University at semester, and to apply and come to DTS (discipleship training school). He knew exactly what He was doing when he planned this all out, and it turned out perfectly. I have a very hard heart towards people and God, I mean HAD not have. Growing up I didn’t receive the love that my heart has desperately desired my entire life, a love that no human can fulfill, but only the love from God. Growing up I had much rebellion and impatience and selfishness in my life, and have continued to have it until the Lord finally broke it off. I didn’t live the perfect Christian life in high school and college, I got way off track, and lived for myself and my flesh, not for the Lord; big mistake. Coming here to DTS, I didn’t realize how much God was planning on working in my life; there was a lot that needed to be dealt with. Each week during lectures and worship speakers or the Holy Spirit talk to me and address different issues that we all need to hear. For me personally, there have been so many different issues in my life that have been huge issues and desperately needed to be dealt with completely in order for me to further and deeper my relationship with the Lord. I have dealt with anger, forgiveness, and other personal issues as the list continues, but nothing compares to what I have dealt with and received this week, especially yesterday. This week is Holy Spirit week. This is an extremely controversial subject to many different people and religions, but if you seek through the Bible, and seek truth, you will find it, in your own way, and God is very faithful to this. I have had so many issues and such with the whole Holy Spirit and everything that comes along with it, I don’t feel the need to list what they are, most of you know. I didn’t agree with basically any of it, and I was scared, if fact, I was terrified. I left lecture an hour early a few days ago because I was so upset about the teachings, and didn’t agree with them. I prayed to God asking why I was so confused, so upset, so angry, and so closed-minded. The answer was because I was allowing myself to be. I didn’t have to be closed minded to who the Holy Spirit was, I just have never encountered with Him, so I had no idea what it was all about; I had a fear of the unknown. It was out of my comfort level, out of what I grew up with, out of my quote on quote beliefs and so on. I have never searched for truth for myself, only believed what I have been fed my whole life, and based my Christianity solely on that. I have come from one extreme (my home church) to another extreme (here at YWAM). So let me tell you a little bit about my day today. It started out with lecture, which I had no desire to go or listen, because of how upset I was this morning, but I went, and stuck through it. From 11-12:30 there was a prayer time where our speaker and other leaders prayed for us and certain people got prophesied over, and also people experienced encounters with the Holy Spirit. Before today, I was not ok with it, but God has finally given me peace about everything, because God is not a God of confusion, He is a God of order. At the first part of the prayer, I started to cry. I wanted to leave and go back to my room so bad, but the Lord told me to stay, He wanted to show me some things, and work in my life. So I was obedient, and I stayed. I was terrified, but God gave me peace. I was so worked up about things and so scared about what was going to happen my body couldn’t sit still. All of the sudden an entire peace came over me, and God told me “Be still and know that I am God”. He repeated this to me several times, and I was finally at peace, because I know that God was not going to do anything that I was not comfortable with and He was going to be with me every step of the way. Two guys from phase three here at YWAM came and prayed over me, they really saw the gift of prophecy over me, something that truly is in me. And I finally know the reason why God has given me the boldness, leadership personality He has given me. He wants me to be an encourager, and a helper to people, helping build their faith. He has finally given me such a strong faith in Him, that I can help others come to this, and it is the most amazing feeling. He is such a good God. After feeling better, a while later our speaker Amy Sollars came up to me and prayed over me. She truly has some amazing gifts of the Lord. She prophesied certain things over me, that I knew God was using her to say some encouraging things to me that needed to be said to me. She really felt God saying I have had a difficult past, especially in high school. I am a complete influencer, and it has gotten me in trouble a lot of times. I have doubted so much while I am here, but God is showing me so much and is working so much in my life. She felt God saying I am a very “tough” girl, hiding my true compassionate and loving heart, because doing that is a sign of weakness, but I need to let that go and let God’s love and compassion take over my life, not control it myself. She said who I used to be and who God is working in me to become are two completely different things. God is working so much in my life and I am going to become such a woman of the Lord. Hearing this from God was so encouraging and so true to my life. I know that I have been struggling so much with so many different issues, and I feel SO close to that breakthrough and freedom in Christ but just haven’t got there yet. Nothing really made sense and came together till late last night, after I had time to process everything that had happened that day. Last night we had ministry night, where it was basically two hours of worshipping and experiencing the Holy Spirit and spending time with God. I decided to stay outside and spend time more alone and experiencing the Holy Spirit in my own way, and not the way everyone else was. A girl from my DTS who I am not too close with was crying, and she eventually came over and sat next to me, I felt God just completely give me this heart to sit and talk with her and really listen to her so I did. Comes to find out she doesn’t have money for her plane ticket to outreach and it was due 2 weeks ago and she is just really having a hard time trusting in the Lord. It is so hard to describe the feeling I had when talking to her. I really felt like God was using me to give her encouragement and hope and to really help her walk in faith. I talked with her for over twenty minutes, really speaking truth in her life and telling her everything will be ok, because it will be. I felt that I was speaking truth to her, telling her she WILL get the money and she IS going on outreach, not maybe. It was so encouraging to finally see a gift that God has put in me, working so soon. A month ago God told me I would be giving away a portion of money He has blessed me with, and I never knew who when what or why. Personally, the selfish person I was had no desire to do so, at all. But tonight, I felt such an urge to bless this girl, I ran to my room and prayed to God, weeping, thanking Him so much for this restoration and renewal of my heart for people, through the love of Him, it is truly amazing. After that I had the privilege to skype with my best friend who has really been struggling with some things in her life. I got to share my testimony to her, tell her all of the things that have been going on in my life and the things that God has been doing and give her hope that God loves her so much and is waiting for her to come back to Him, and be His best friend. I am so glad God has placed this amazing person in my life, and given me the heart I have to help her through this time, because she IS going to get through it. After that, just looking in the room, filled with over 70 young adults worshiping God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit each in their own way, I finally had this feeling finally God saying, “Emily, this is ok”. I don’t have to participate, agree with, or believe everything that I am taught here, or taught anywhere, nor should I. I like to be challenged and I love to question things, which forces me to dig even more into the word, to search the truth for myself, not what I have been taught my whole life through people. God has revealed so much of His character, love, how He works, and the amazing things He can do while I’ve been here at DTS. I still have over 4 weeks left here at DTS, where I’m expecting more of the Lord to come into my life, teach me more about Him, and do more work in my life, forming me even more to the woman of God he originally made me to be, to spread His word and show his love on a daily basis. Today, God has completely restored my heart. I finally came to the place in my life where I am ready to have it. I have completely submitted my life to the Lord and now I am ready to face what He gives me. I will need to seek the Lord daily in order to have the strength I will need to get through certain things, but God will never put me through something I can not get through or handle, and He will always be there for me each step of the way. I am experiencing the Lord here in a way that I cannot even describe. Thank you God so much for how much you have revealed to me and shown me, you are such a good God. Thank you for finally letting me come to an agreement that everything is OK. I don’t need to agree or do everything I am taught; I just need to seek you and study your word, seeking the TRUTH, not man’s word. Thank you God for the love you have finally put inside of me, after so many times of asking, thank you so much. I love you so much. Thank you all for your continuous prayers and support, please continue to pray, God is doing some amazing things. 4 ½ weeks I leave for Haiti… please keep our team in your prayers.. more info on our outreach coming next week. Thank you!

Update

Hello friends and family!

My first month in Hawaii has been more life changing then I could have ever dreamed or planned for. Thank you for your support that has enabled me to be here. I appreciate it so much. I have been studying world view, culture, social injustice, the different aspects of Gods character and many other topics. This week is Holy Spirit week, then some remaining weeks include battle for your sexuality, and missions. I am currently on week 7 of being here on my Discipleship training school phase, growing and learning in my relationship with the Lord, to enable me to be prepared for my 2 1/2 month outreach.


For those of you who do not know my team and I are going to Haiti for our outreach. We will be living in a refugee camp in Port-au-Prince for two months documenting the lives of the refugees that live among us. We will also be helping with certain reconstruction projects, and personally working in the lives of the Haitian people, bringing hope to their lives. This will be a great challenge, but I am so excited to be among these beautiful people that have recently been through one of the most devastating earthquakes known. This to me is what life is about, to love those who are around you, and to give your life so another can live. This is what we will be doing in Haiti. Then after living and breathing Haiti we will be going to the Dominican Republic for about a month. There we will be speaking in churches about our lives in Haiti and updates on what is going on there, we will be doing children's ministry, and doing post production on our documentary of life in Haiti, Eyes Of Hope.
My immediate needs:
-$2,500 Costs for my trip (need by June 5th)
-$250 for camera equipment (need by June 20th)
-Wide angle lens that would fit a Canon Rebel Xsi (need by June 20th)
-If you are willing to donate any equipment that would be much appreciated. We are going to be teaching photography to some of the young people in the refugee camp. Something so small can bring much hope, enough hope to service.
-Support one day of my trip! Each Day Of My Trip Will Cost about: $25.00.
This is a great way to join me on my trip! You may support the very day I help make a difference in someones life, perhaps even help save their life.

Thank you again all so much for your prayers and support, God is doing some amazing things in my life and in the lifes of others around me, July 1, we are off to Haiti! Keep us in your prayers.

Update

God never fails to amaze me, any day that goes by. He is the most faithful thing known to mankind, and even beyond that. If you doubt, he will immediately prove himself, to a point where any hint of doubt is washed away. DTS is radically changing my life from the inside out. Coming into it, I didn’t know that it would wreck my life this much, rebuilding it, in the way that God intended it from the beginning. Last week, we had a preacher by the name of John Leach. His subject was “Father, heart of God”. He talked so much about how God IS your father and will fulfill you more than you could imagine. Things your earthly father never filled in your life, God will exceedingly fill that in your life. Also that we need to learn how to love from the Father, so we can bring it into our marriage and kids, loving them the right way. He also talked alot about how we live by our emotions, and not by truth, and when we tell ourselves long enough that our emotions are the only way to think, they become our truths. This is very dangerous. I learned so much from him, and while he was speaking you could just tell how much passion and love he had from the Lord, it showed in every word he spoke. He was there to tell us how much the Lord loves us, unconditionally. This past weekend, our DTS went on a weekend retreat up north to a place called Makapala. It was so beautiful and so amazing to get to spend time specifically with our DTS, at a little retreat center, learning to live in close community, and build relationships based on the love of God. It was such an amazing weekend, having the opportunity also to see more of God’s beauty, in Hawaii. This week our topic is “worldview”. We have been talking about different genders and their expectations that the “world” puts on them. Such as girls feel they need to wear so much make up, wear expensive clothes, have constant male attention, etc, and men needing to make so much money, know what they are doing in life, be a leader, etc. We should find our identity in Christ, not in what the world has to say, and it’s so true. Yesterday was Pentecost. Here at YWAM, we are doing a 48 hour continuous prayer and worship in the prayer room. Last night during community outreach, I felt God telling me he wanted to to stay in the prayer room most of the night, I wasn’t sure why, and would rather have slept in my bed and got rest all night, but I obeyed God. I went to the prayer room at 11pm and stayed till the entire night. I didn't sleep at all, which effected me pretty badly today haha. some amazing things happened last night. God showed me passages and put stuff on my heart that i went up front and preached to the other 15 students that pulled an all nighter for God along with me. It was so amazing seeing us giving up a night's worth of sleep, to pray and worship God, all through thenight. Things that students shared with us and read in the Bible led to me streaming with tears. The past few days I have really felt distant from God but I think that is because I haven’t been prioritizing Him to a point where I make specific Emily God time every day, which is much needed in my life. My heart and soul longs for God on a daily basis, and I need to feed it. Also an amazing thing that has recently happened to me is love. I have never really been a loving person, due to some past issues in my life. I never have really known how to love people or receive love. It has been such a battle and struggle in my life. I have been praying on a daily basis for the Lord to fill my life with His love, that I might show everyone around me the amazing power of His love. I want to be the person that is so caring and loving and sharing and people love to be around. Day by day, God has been forming me into a woman of God, filled with love. It is absolutely amazing watching. Hearing people telling me they see a difference is such an encouragement. God is working in my life, each and every day. Thank you God for your amazing power and wonder, you never fail us, ever. Thank you so much. Here are some pictures from my weekend. Thank you again for all your prayers and support. I love you guys so much. God bless!

Green Sands Beach

here is the green sands beach, it took us an hour to hike there along the beach, and an hour back, and completely worth it. Oh the beauty of Hawaii.

So today, me and my class had a little break from school and learning and homework and teachings, we went CLIFF JUMPING and to a green sands beach. It is so wonderful to be able to see God's creation and how beautiful everything is that He has made for us. After such an intense and amazing week of our freedom in Christ and our freeedom in our sins, it was so good to be able to go out and bond with our classmates in Hawaii enjoying God's creation. I wanted to show you all some pics of my trip :-) here are just a few.

Haiti

Today me and the Haiti team had a meeting about some things we will be doing while we are in Haiti. We found out that we will be working with UNICEF, working intensely with the women and children in need. We also are going to be living in a refugee camp for a period of time, helping the people in need there as well. There is also a group of homeless orphans, now alone after the that have a story, through the earthquake, death, and diseases, and a Christian group there wants our group to photograph the kids, for them to use our photos to raise awareness, and tell the story of these orphans. God has so many amazing opportunities he is providing us with, and i cannot wait to see them all come out. Please keep me and my team (there are 10 of us) for our safety, and for us to be able to show God's love to these people in absolute desperate need the love of Christ. More info to come :-)

Freedom in Christ

"Freedom in Christ" week was this week. I was a little nervous of this week at first because of some things that had happened in the previous week not knowing what certain things were, but after the first day of this week, i knew this was going to be a life changing week. Some of the things addressed this week was forgiveness, how it is a choice, not a feeling. Some people have really hurt me in my life, and i have CHOSEN to forgive them, even if they were in the wrong. I also have offended many people and am CHOOSING to ask for forgiveness, and make it right in God's eyes.We also talked about our conscience, and how sometimes we damage it to where it doesn't recognize right and wrong.We also talked about the 10 commandments and spent over an hour talking about honoring your father and mother. Every parent makes mistakes, which sometimes lead to rebellion and anger in their children. We talked how we need to forgive our parents no matter what the damage is, they are the two most vital important people in our life. I have chosen to forgive my parents for some of the things that have offended me and am choosing to ask for their forgiveness for the way i have also treated them. Today (Friday) was the most vital day. We talked about repentance and confessing our sins. We spent over 3 hours in a circle.. with a cross in the middle giving each and every person in our DTS (over 50 people) a chance to come up in front of everyone and confess our since to God in front of people. It was a very vital day in our lives. It was the ending to one of the most amazing and life changing weeks yet. The information given to us was so important in order to be able to grow in Christ. There was so much hurt in each and every one of us that we needed to give up to God, in order to be able to grow in him more. Being the second one up, i discuss Growing up how my mother passed away at a young age, which led to much hatred and anger towards God and people. up thinking I could be miss independent. Certain issues and things in my life led to me being an extremely impatience and selfish person, living for myself. I gave that up to God, confessing to him selfishness, impatience, immorality, unlovingness etc. I know God is going to be there for me each and every day, helping me be the selfless, patient, loving person he designed and wants me to be. It was such an amazing day, hearing each and every one of us get up, confessing the deepest most hurtful things in our life, then after each and every one, having a group of people come up and pray for each specific person. being here is so amazingand so powerful. We are surrounded by the absolute most amazing loving Christian people, getting prayer, support and love every where we go. We are all leanring so much about God and about how to grow more in the Lord. Our leaders are aboslutely phenomenal, the teachings are so powerful, and we are in the most beautiful place. God is so good and teaching me so much, i am becoming a better person and He is helping me overcome so many things, God is so good :-)